Knowing where I was in my heart and soul when I left, I thought it would just be easy.

But in fact, it’s an undoing. It’s more of an untangling.

The web is strong. And I’ve woven myself in tight.

So it’s more of an … Who-Am-I-Now Type Shit?

And how do I really get out of this ensnarement?

Intellectually and logically I know what I need to do. And I’ve been doing it.

Emotionally and subconsciously, I’ve been holding on.

Probably because it’s easy. Or easier. Comfortable.

Or because I’m an anxious attachment sort of girl.

Idk.

Or, in reality, I’ve got unprocessed pain. Wounds. Loss.

That I need to tend to. And cut ties with.

In this undoing, I realize one foot in and one foot out is not going to work for me.

While I’m not a black and white person, I am a I need space sort of person, and I need newness person.

And that I know is an environment change.

Although the reality of that is in the distance. In the future.

Deeply tho, no matter where I am in the world, I know that home is within me. Throughout the journey tho, in my own uncertainty, I somehow left my ‘home’ and gave it away to something else.

That’s the trouble with looking outward for validation or happiness or acceptance or worth or love.

The real bold truth is that I have to find ‘home’ in me again.

That is the journey.

Back home. Back to me.